may. 23. scorpio.
I'm into anything fun, because everything once in this life!
It only takes me 3 minutes to fall in love, but only 10 seconds to fall out of it.
My Sussy was my first and only real in love.♡
Skins, alcohol, memes, sex, and cute images is what you'll find in this blog.
Han pasado 6 meses desde que dejé una tierra, que en casi 3 años me dio más sufrimientos, preocupaciones y tristezas que cosas buenas. Eso era lo que tenía que hacer, salir de allí, huir e irme lejos. Solo eso bastó para que mi vida diera un giro de 360 grados y comenzaran las dichas a llegar a mi vida y hacerme sentir viva nuevamente. En Curazao me enfrenté a la vida real, no fue salir de mi burbuja, fue más como si mi burbuja fue explotada inesperadamente y una larga fila de eventos de la “vida” comenzaran a arrebatarme lentamente todas mis alegrias y fuerzas. Pero no me arrepiento ni un poco, de todas esas experiencias aprendí y me convertí en la mujer que soy ahora, la mujer que ha sabido seguir adelante y disfrutar de lo que ocurra.
Ya casi 6 meses que llegué a este nuevo país que me abrió las puertas, España, podrá sonar tonto, pero es como si me estuviesen esperando con los brazos abiertos para permitirme vivir cosas lindas y buenas. Desde que pisé piso del Territorio Schengen, los bloqueos y no quedaron como cosa del pasado, comenzando porque en control migratorio del aeropuerto me dejaron entrar sin siquiera cuestionar alguna de las preguntas rutinarias, que ya uno como viajero conoce que hacen en estos puntos de controles. Entré a París escuchando un “Merci, bienvenida”; llegué a España luego y todas las vivencias han sido buenas y gratificantes.
He conocido personas maravillosas, he pasado por experiencias que ni en mis sueños más locos pensé que sucederían, como que, por ejemplo, conocí en persona y me fotografié con mis ídolos de toda la vida: los Jonas Brothers. Conocí a un chico con el que estoy saliendo, y me ha proporcionado todo eso que esperé durante años que algún chico me diera, es alguien quien se preocupa por mi y me quiere y la verdad es que a pesar de que aún lucho con mis demonios internos y mi mal de auto sabotear mis relaciones amorosas, ésta se ha sentido como la relación más sana y linda que haya tenido. He aprendido a dejar y permitir, pero sobre todo en confiar.
Igualmente, en el ámbito laboral, a pesar de no contar aún con el permiso de trabajo reglamentario (pero que me llega el mes que viene y espero desde abril), conseguí 2 trabajos que me permiten vivir y darme mis gustos, además de matar uno que otro tigrito que me sale por fuera.
Las estrellas se alinearon a mi favor y la vida me sonríe y me llena de alegrías, que por casi 3 años no tuve. Espero siga esta buena racha y terminar el año mejor, si es que es posible… aunque siempre es posible estar mejor jiji.
Becoming so obsessed with somebody that you completely immerse yourself into their interests (even if you don’t like them) just so you can keep them in your life
I think one of the worst things about having BPD is being so intensely aware how toxic you can be. You can be good and toxicless for a while then you slip up, and it makes you hate yourself even more. You know there’s no excuse to be engrossingly toxic and you try so hard not to be, but it feels like the bpd has a mind of its own..
I get so scared that you’ll abandon me that I make up shit to just get your attention! It’s not even little white lies! Its big fuck off black lies! And I know it bad, trust me I hate myself for it, but I don’t know how to stop! This disorder makes me so scared of being alone, it tells me every single day that you will abandon and leave me, but I can’t tell you that! You won’t understand, you’ll think I am crazy! You wouldn’t even think it’s a big deal, that I don’t even need your support, but to me it feels like the world is ending, and I cannot control the fear. So before I know it some huge black lie is forming in my head to get your attention! And as much as I know it’s wrong, I still choose to tell you it! Tell me how that isnt a bad person?
Fp is short for favorite person. It’s basically the person that a BPD patient’s life revolves around. The person with BPD’s moods often are determined by way they perceive their fp’s feelings. If they think their fp is mad at them, they can become angry or sad or even suicidal. If their fp is giving them attention or validation, the person with BPD can become consumed with extreme amounts of love and happiness. The fp can make or break the BPD patient’s whole day. Not every person with BPD has a fp and some people can have multiple. The fp is most commonly a BPD patient’s significant other but it isn’t always. It could be a friend, a parent, someone they just met, or anyone else. We don’t choose to have a favorite person, nor do we choose who becomes our favorite person. It just happens.
Now this may sound cute to people but it isn’t. It can lead to codependency and very unhealthy relationships/friendships. Here are a few examples of unhealthy behaviors that can occur. This isn’t always the case but it can happen. I’ll admit I experience some of the separation anxiety, mirroring, needing lots of attention, withdrawal symptoms, and being overly apologetic with my fp but I’ve been working to try to keep these down to a healthy amount.
Falling in love as a Borderliner means saying the l-word pretty early on bc let’s face it we’re just a little quicker to love. And when we love we do it deeply and truly
getting attached to someone you met five minutes ago because they were kind to you
abandonment issues™
your fear of people leaving you causes people to leave you hahaha the irony
being hurt by something your friend did so you angry split on them but they have no idea you’re even mad at them so they’re just like wtf
breakdowns that lead to suicide attempts, then an hour later you’re happy and bubbly and people think you just did it for attention as a result like no Karen it’s called mood swings
wanting to hurt people before they hurt you and then feeling gross and evil and manipulative but you cant stop the feelings!!!!!
craving attention but not wanting to seem like an attention seeker by asking for it, so you act out in an attempt to get attention which only makes things worse
wanting yourself to shut the fuck up and stop talking like why are you so whiny
trust issues but also oversharing your entire life story to someone you just met
feeling like you’re not allowed to express your feelings or you’ll be manipulative
saying to yourself “i’m not trusting someone ever again! everyone is evil!!!” but then going and crying at the kid you met two hours ago about how your father never loved you
feeling like you’re better than everyone else but also you’re disgusting and should die lol
might just be a me thing but wanting to starve yourself to feel in control and punish yourself but then binge eating to fill the empty numb void
not realizing something is wrong with you until you bring it up casually and the person is like “you should see a psychiatrist”
do you hate yourself or hate everyone else deciSIONS DECISIONS
splitting. just splitting.
discomfort with sex from trauma but also would probably engage in sexual activity if you weren’t a minor just because the attention feels so validating and makes you feel important
if someone doesn’t love you they hate you there’s no in between
emotional regulation??? i dont know her
you feel happy??? you dont wanna die for once??? TIME TO BE MANIC !!!!!!
always feeling unsafe and like everyone is out to hurt you
feeling like your trauma isn’t valid enough and that ur just a crybaby
never knowing if you’re in the wrong or if the other person is because splitting but also YOUR PERCEPTION IS SKEWED SO WHO KNOWS
